Late at night, when the demons come...

It's nights like tonight where I want to scream or maybe even cry. I went to the doctor yesterday and have fluid in my left ear. Now I didn't think this happened to anyone over the age of 4 - but obviously I'm wrong. So tack one more physical ailment in the past year and we're up to like 5 or 6. Which would be par for my brother, but not me.

Where this leaves me is in a nice little dark ditch where I feel like I'm going to stay for a while. Just about all of my forms of stress relief have been taken away from me and I'm screaming (inside) to let it all out. I guess this is the point of today's entry. I've actually been thinking of doing an anonymous blog so I can talk about all the shit going on without anyone knowing that it's Frank Manzo or DJ Frank Manzo. Since if you do a google search for either, this blog will appear, along with the stats of a same-named race car driver from NJ.

So what do I do to relieve stress on my own? Well #1 and the best one - DJing. Now it can be stressful, but it's usually a lot of fun. I'm been laid off from the Waterloo again, which is both a blessing and a curse. Blessing because it's boring as hell and can't deal with the regulars that want to hear reggaeton for 2 hours. Curse - I can use the money and there are some nights where I can have fun playing some really good music. I'm looking so forward to Pure on Feb 10 it's unreal. I'm also looking forward to stress reliever #2 - Vacation - that same weekend. Now a weekend in Philly, isn't exactly paradise, but it will be nice to be away from home, in a hotel, and actually share the weekend with a good group of friends and of course the woman. 4 of which are linked on the side there. So I assure you that Feb 10 will be a great night and I will stop at nothing to assure that the crowd leaves in a frenzy! At least, thats how I hope it ends.

#2 - Vacations haven't happened much lately - since Belize in 2004 for Sarah and I. It's LONG overdue and hopefully we can get away before we really get away for the honeymoon.

#3 - The gym and physical activity. Now I alluded to a physical ailment a few posts back, this has prevented me from going to the gym or any kind of exercise since November 14th. Well, except for Gay Ski Weekend. I was weighed yesterday at the doctors office at 178 lbs. Granted I was wearing a sweater and heavy pants (I usually do that in shorts and a t-shirt). I almost shit (which probably would've dropped me a pound or 2), since about 2 years ago when I was almost 180 I decided that was it! Off to the gym I went and at my peak was down to 157lbs. Far from skinny, but good enough to eat the way I wanted, feel and look good. So I'm feeling generally bad about this and myself, since I was doing quite well. So I just decide that eating chocolate (something I've done everyday since Thanksgiving - someone call Guiness) is a good idea, after lunch, maybe around 3pm and then obviously after dinner. Sometimes even before it. I mean I love the stuff, but being unable to do anything physical as really lowered my standard for what is good for me. It's very much a "well what the hell - I can't eat this shit when I'm healthy" feeling. Cue What I Craved last Thursday night.

-side note - James Anthony just calls to tell me my Sirius mixshow is on. It is 11:15pm and Frank is now happy for the 2nd time today. First time was when Sarah gave me these as a suprise. More junk food.

Anyways -# 4 and 5 are other stress relievers that a bit more private. Ones you engage in by yourself (#4), or with a partner (#5). Well if you're lucky, there's 3 of you (# in my dreams). One friend yesterday was appauled and said he could never do that for even a day, and that a typical day is around 3 private moments with himself. Another friend simply shouted in a recent car trip "SINCE NOVEMBER." Believe me it's been frustrating, and I haven't been abiding by Dr's orderers totally. Let's be reasonable here. See this for reference

So I hope after my doctor appointment on Monday, I will be able to keep the tradition of going on the Annual Super Bowl Sunday Ski Trip to PA.

So I will use this blog to bitch and complain and spill my life out onto the internet in hopes that it will not come and bit me in the ass. And hopefully the play will provide the non-physical, non-sexual, non-vacation, non-musical stress relief and fun I need to get me through till I can get back to life as I knew it.

I leave you with this from "In the Line of Fire" -

Mitch Leary: What did happen to you that day? Only one agent reacted to the gunfire, and you were closer to Kennedy than he was. You must have looked up at the window of the Texas Book Depository, but you didn't react. Late at night, when the demons come, do you see the rifle coming out of that window, or do you see Kennedy's head being blown apart? If you'd reacted to that first shot, could you have gotten there in time to stop the big bullet? And if you had - that could've been your head being blown apart. Do you wish you'd succeeded, Frank? Or is life too precious?

Tonight, life is just too precious.

Frank